Not everything was completely negative though, during my abstinence, I got into some new interests while trying to stay sane and keep myself distracted & occupied (or you could say, reawakened some old hobbies): I’ve really gotten into fragrances, baking, collecting dolls, decorating with flowers, and drinking tea. It was what I needed, everything else would have overwhelmed me. I really missed being here, but not being online also felt good. Kinda unfamiliar to do social stuff again. Feels nice, and a bit scary too if I’m being honest. I realize I have to adjust to this again. Baby steps, right? I can’t promise I will be online now all the time, but it’s been first for me now since a few months. I still don’t feel good mentally at this moment, but at least not as severe, and a bit better to allow myself to go online a bit and interact here a little. My asthma got worse aswell, breathing is way harder and I get dizzy real fast. Some symptoms don’t seem to disappear yet, even after testing negative for weeks now. Had all kinds of different symptoms in a limbo, when thinking it would get better, it got worse again. That virus lasted 3 around weeks, it was horrid. And it still got me, while being 99% only at home. This put a real blow to my mental health once more, after desperately attempting for years to not catch it. Worsening my mental health again, plus physical health after thinking I maybe recovered a bit. Covid had to strike 2 of my immediate family members, and me. I just was sick of everything.Īfter a few months of feeling like shit, I thought I would get a little bit better. I also deleted all social media from my phone, plus I changed my phone number. All this stuff kept piling up with time, bad things never seemed to end, day by day I felt more awful and wanted to disappear. Main catalysts were probably the feelings of abandonment, issues with myself, loneliness + social disappointments, family deaths that happened, experienced sicknesses, world events, etc. Around christmas holidays, my depression started getting more extreme. It’s uncomfortable talking about it, but it was… hazardous, if you understand. Mentally, I’ve been the lowest I’ve ever been in my life. How should I start? Recent months were… Rough. Please forgive me, and know that your words reached my heart, I seriously mean it.
I am so sorry that I can’t do that immediately, but currently I am not in the capacity for that. I truly can’t express how grateful I am to everyone sending me messages, trying to get in touch with me, supporting me, etc… I read all of your messages, I will try to reply to them piece by piece.
First of all, I am sorry for worrying some of you guys so much.
0 kommentar(er)
